Today was the second appointment with the Doc, and the ultrasound. SO!
as you can see, this is little Marcus Alexander, his head laying to the left, viewing him from the side, in fetal position, sucking his thumb. AAAAh! now, major revelation! I'm actually 19 weeks along already.
Holy mother, that means i was prego when i went to bonnaroo, when i went to texas, etc. due date has now been changed to January 15th 2010. and yes, we're sure its a boy, apparently his lil parts are already very visible. lol. the fiance swears the kiddo takes after him. uh huh ^_^
However, this was a big day. i think up till now it was just a thought. but when i saw the nurse push on my tummy, saw the movement on the screen and saw lil Marcus squirm in response, it was incredible. i instantly had tears in my eyes, cuz i finally knew, KNEW, that he was there, in my stomach. a healthy, 10 ounce baby growing at the right rate... in ME. me, the eternal evil bad girl, the 'i can do it harder and faster than you can' girl... all of a sudden i'm sitting there thinking about when he will be walking, then growing out his hair, should i have a brother or sister for him, who will he look like?.. so many things at once. it was suddenly very very real.
now i know, i should have taken this serious from the go, but to be honest, i just couldn't imagine anything close to this feeling. of knowing you have life growing in you. before the thought was one filled with terror for me. Now its something i can't imagine missing out on.
Now, there's still the problem of telling my mom. The fiance's job isn't on lock down yet and i'mn obviously not working either. we are getting state help (What? i'm not too proud to say that. welfare doesn't equal white trash >:P ) however, that's not the ideal conditions and my mother will have a freaking fit. in fact, i'd be more worried to tell her if i was still in the first trimester. She has influence over me that no person should. she can make me want to jump off a building at the drop of a hat. i'm actually kinda worried about what she will say/do. i mean ,this is the same woman that disowned me for almost 2 months over my Myspace page. ya.
I guess in all it doesn't matter. this was our decision and i wouldn't change it for the world. I'm surprisingly not showing too much for being at 19 weeks, then again i was fluffy to start. lol. either way, i'm so stoked, i can't even explain. Now that we know its a boy, tomorrow we're starting on the nursery. We've decided to stay far far away from pastels. Red, black and white with blue and yellow... apparently the first colors a baby can see are red and black. gee, could it be because its previous decore was nothing but? lol none the less, we're commited to have a kid, but not turning into the mush we've seen so many others liquify into. having a kiddo rock style.
now that's brutal ^_^
as you can see, this is little Marcus Alexander, his head laying to the left, viewing him from the side, in fetal position, sucking his thumb. AAAAh! now, major revelation! I'm actually 19 weeks along already.
Holy mother, that means i was prego when i went to bonnaroo, when i went to texas, etc. due date has now been changed to January 15th 2010. and yes, we're sure its a boy, apparently his lil parts are already very visible. lol. the fiance swears the kiddo takes after him. uh huh ^_^
However, this was a big day. i think up till now it was just a thought. but when i saw the nurse push on my tummy, saw the movement on the screen and saw lil Marcus squirm in response, it was incredible. i instantly had tears in my eyes, cuz i finally knew, KNEW, that he was there, in my stomach. a healthy, 10 ounce baby growing at the right rate... in ME. me, the eternal evil bad girl, the 'i can do it harder and faster than you can' girl... all of a sudden i'm sitting there thinking about when he will be walking, then growing out his hair, should i have a brother or sister for him, who will he look like?.. so many things at once. it was suddenly very very real.
now i know, i should have taken this serious from the go, but to be honest, i just couldn't imagine anything close to this feeling. of knowing you have life growing in you. before the thought was one filled with terror for me. Now its something i can't imagine missing out on.
Now, there's still the problem of telling my mom. The fiance's job isn't on lock down yet and i'mn obviously not working either. we are getting state help (What? i'm not too proud to say that. welfare doesn't equal white trash >:P ) however, that's not the ideal conditions and my mother will have a freaking fit. in fact, i'd be more worried to tell her if i was still in the first trimester. She has influence over me that no person should. she can make me want to jump off a building at the drop of a hat. i'm actually kinda worried about what she will say/do. i mean ,this is the same woman that disowned me for almost 2 months over my Myspace page. ya.
I guess in all it doesn't matter. this was our decision and i wouldn't change it for the world. I'm surprisingly not showing too much for being at 19 weeks, then again i was fluffy to start. lol. either way, i'm so stoked, i can't even explain. Now that we know its a boy, tomorrow we're starting on the nursery. We've decided to stay far far away from pastels. Red, black and white with blue and yellow... apparently the first colors a baby can see are red and black. gee, could it be because its previous decore was nothing but? lol none the less, we're commited to have a kid, but not turning into the mush we've seen so many others liquify into. having a kiddo rock style.
now that's brutal ^_^
I don't even have words; I just want to give you a giant hug and a little pat on the belly to say welcome to the world Baby Marcus.
ReplyDeletethank you so much hon ^_^ that means so much. i cant seem to find the right words either half the time.. heheh.. the kid already has one up on me.. leaving me speechless.
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