wonder where i've been?

silly people, don't you know that children steal your life and replace it with their wants and needs? HA
actually, i jest. completely jest. in the beginning, we got no sleep. however at 4 and 1/2 months, he's sleeping almost thru the night with one waking for a bottle. we're extremely lucky from what i understand. Marcus is incredible. he smiles, he laughs, he's ticklish. he has rolled from his tummy to back by himself, said Mama and pushed himself up on his hands. he's making milestones way before time, but i'm so proud i could bust.with that pride also comes a sense of loss tho. he's an infant, already learning to become independent. slowly shedding his need of momma to do everything for him. with each bite from his lil baby spoon, he's moving into being a toddler. the 4 months vanished before my eyes. he went from everything being too big for him to wear, to wearing a 6-9 month size and already outgrowing all the clothes he had!still. he's thriving. growing, happy, sweet natured. if nothing else, that has to prove i'm doing right by him. though you wouldn't know it to talk to me. sometimes i just think i'm a horrible candidate for a mother. even tho i love him with everything in me. who am i to tell a kid what to do after everything fucked up i did?! one hopes that i will find a way to help him learn from my mistakes, instead of having to put himself in the dangerous situations i did to learn them. that's a hope.
but he has been well taken care of. not a lick of diaper rash. just now has one spot of cradle cap. not even lint between his wee toes. he takes a shower with me every other day and we have tummy time every morning, fun time in the afternoon with nana next door. i'll finish this off with a few pics. who knew i'd have such a beautiful kid. so that's where i've been... with my son. :)