getting down to the line...

well, the due date is only 5 weeks off.

previously, i had been scared witless of labor. freaking out about every little aspect of it, in fact. i mean- pushing something as big as a baby out of the one orifice in my body i treat like a temple, worried that it might ruin me, as well as kill me. not to mention, the actual pain. i've always been into pain, but not this kind.

so what did i do? i read about it. i've read every little thing there is about the process, the steps and procedures, the final outcome, etc. i've created a birth plan now. my honey is aware he is to bring the music, that i want something i can sing to so i can focus on that. i've picked out a picture of my grandmother and grandfather standing with me at age 4 to take as a focus picture as well. when i thought about what i wanted, i knew i had to have something of my grandfather's there with me. he raised me every summer, taught me to read, write and love life. i want him to watch over me as we bring our son into the world. tho, is truly saddens me that he won't meet our little man. i'd always hoped he would be around to teach my son the meaning of gambling and having fun. still- there in spirit...

so 5 weeks. it seems almost no time at all, but the longest 5 weeks ever as well. i'm excited. i'm scared. i'm nervous. i keep praying our lil boy will be healthy and happy. that he will know how much we love him. but mostly just healthy. lol. lots to worry about since i was on meds and such when he was conceived. nothing to be done about it now, but hope and pray. (tho i dont put much stock in praying these days)

so ya- worries upon worries. extreme amounts of nervousness. doesn't help that all my dreams are like apocalyptic! i can only put my faith in the good nutrition i've kept since finding out, the regular dr visits that say we're healthy and the support of our families that have been unwavering. that and the 300 articles i've read on the subject matter! getting down to the line and staring hard at the finish....